Bully-Free Future

Mowing and Modeling!

One minute I was mowing the lawn-congratulating myself on my self-sufficiency, independence and the example I was setting for my young daughter:  the next minute I was wrestling with a window air-conditioned-obviously too heavy and awkward for me to muscle myself.

 My daughter was witness to both efforts

Sure, mowing the grass is manageable and might even be a good example of ‘do it yourself-ness’ and with luck it dispels some misguided notion mowing the grass is ‘man’s work’-just as cooking and cleaning is the sole domain of women.  If nothing else, my daughter sees her modern, capable mother pushing a lawnmower back and forth and completing a job. 

All good stuff, right?

Now fast forward for that same mother sweating, swearing-oops-and struggling to move a too-heavy appliance into position.  Rather than modeling self-sufficiency and independence this modern and capable mother just modeled stupidity-by not asking for help.

As parents, we our kids want them to grow up strong and confident without outdated notions of what they can and can’t do based on their sex.  We model the behavior we want them to emulate.  We want them to be resilient and self-reliant.  We know that the more independent they are the more successful they will be.  But we also need to teach them-both boys and girls-to ask for help when they need it.  We need them to know that asking for help when needed is part of being strong-not of being weak.

That’s where I missed the boat. 

I had a perfect opportunity to show my daughter that smart, successful and yes, strong, independent people ask for help when they need it.  Instead, the opposite occurred.

I showed her that asking for help isn’t ok-that it is better to struggle against all odds rather than step back, evaluate the situation and bring in the help you need to get a job done-and I have the bruises, sore back and cracked air conditioner to show for it.

It is interesting how easy it is for good intentions to go awry….and the effect on our kids.

Think about that the next time you need help-and don’t ask for it!

With Respect,

Deb

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