Social networking sites are great: you can express yourself easily keep in touch with friends-old and new-and even look for work. But for kids, social networking sites pose risks that can put our kids in situations that range from merely uncomfortable to downright dangerous.

An article in a local rural paper reported the rape of a16 year-old girl by a 19 year-old man she ‘met’ online. The alleged rapist, who used several names online, lured the girl over a period of several weeks, culminating in agreement to meet in person. 

 Sadly, this pattern is being repeated every day and in every community across the country.  The Internet, along with computers, cells phones, gaming devices and other electronic gizmos that our kids covet, have made it impossible to totally shield our kids from people who wish to do them harm.

 There had always been a disconnect between what we tell kids to do, the example we set and what the kids actually do. For example, have you ever told your kids to eat their vegetables or lose dessert while you skipped the veggies and ate dessert anyway? .Are we really that surprised when the kids surreptitiously feed their unwanted vegetables to Fido when they think we aren’t looking. 

 That same disconnect exists between what we say about participating on social networking sites what we actually do on social networking sites and what kids do on similar sites. And while slipping some peas to the pooch doesn’t have the same serious potentially deadly consequences as online behavior, the patterns of ‘do as I say and not as I do’ have never been more dire.

 DISCONNECT # 1 POSTING PERSONAL INFORMATION

 What we say: “don’t post personal information online”

 What we do: Take a look at your Facebook (or other social network) page. Is your name and picture there?  How about your phone number, email address and city where you live.  If you are like most adults the information on your social networking pages contains lots of personal information that we assume that is shared among ‘friends’.

 What kids are doing: According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children 61% of kids 13-17 have posted personal information on social networking sites

DISCONNECT # 2 NO ONE YOU MEET ONLINE IS A FRIEND

What adults say: “Never agree to meet anyone you have only ‘met’ online.”

What we do: Match.com; eHarmony-enough said

What Kids Are Doing:  According to NCMEC, 30% of kids surveyed have considered meeting someone they met online and fully 22% of kids 16-17 surveyed actually followed through.  Some ended up like the young lady in that small town. You don’t want your child counted in those statistics

DISCONNECT #3 TELL ME ABOUT IT

What adults say: “let me know If anyone you don’t know who asks you for personal information, photos or videos or you get unsolicited obscene content from people or companies you don’t know, misleading url’s, or anything that smacks of child pornography.”

What we do: we hardwire kids NOT to be tattle-tales and to follow directions of adults without question.  We often shy away from discussing ‘forbidden’ topics like sex.

What kids are doing: They keep things from us. Maybe they don’t want the emotional baggage of being a tattle-tale. Maybe they are afraid we are going sever their electronic lifelines by denying them access to the Internet. Maybe they are craving information on the very ‘forbidden’ topics that we may be uncomfortable talking about.  Whatever the reason, kids will often keep information about what happens online to themselves.

DISCONNECT # 4 STRANGER DANGER

What adults say: “don’t talk to strangers”

What we do: we talk to strangers all the time: on the bus, at the grocery store and online.  We even talk to kids we don’t know when they are with their parents and expect those kids to talk with us. And let’s not forget match.com; eHarmony, LinkedIn ad nauseum.

What kids are doing: Kids-aware of ‘stranger danger’-might not be engaging with strangers at the mall but the perceived safety and  anonymity of cyberspace tricks kids into venturing into conversations they would never consider in the real world. Kids with blogs can get lured into conversations with unknown people who use the information in their blogs to get to know them and gain their trust.  And since, it is easy to assume any online persona kids-and others-can carry on conversations without really knowing who is on the other end

 DISCONNECT # 5 SECURITY MATTERS

What we say: “never give your password to anyone else”

What we do: According PC Magazine the two most common passwords are ‘password’ and 123456.  While we might not hand our passwords over on purpose, it doesn’t take a sophisticated hacker to access most online accounts. 

What kids are doing: You guessed it-Kids are sharing their passwords with each other.  While it might not seem like a big deal that your daughter’s pal got into her Webkinz™ account and drained her Kinzcash™ stash, the stakes get higher as the kids get older and are able to post inappropriate content that could be harmful and/or downright dangerous.

Parenting isn’t getting any easier as technology increases our kids’ ability to communicate with almost anyone from almost anywhere, but in the face of the incredible pace of change that surrounds us some tried and true tenets hold true.  If we want our kids to do something our way, then we better be willing to do it too.

From peas to PDAs, our kids will follow our lead!

Reconnect the disconnect-for your kids’ safety!

With Respect,

 Deb

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